The Lessons Of Love.

Ever heard of how the thing you love the most has the greatest ability to hurt you the most too?

I did. I heard it multiple times and thought nothing of it. For I foolishly thought, why on earth would love to bring pain?

For a delusional girl like me, love had always only been synonymous with happiness and all that is good in the world, despite having pretty bad childhood trauma.

I will probably blame all the romantic and rom-com content I had rigorously consumed over the years and had been obsessed with them.

I always believed that someone who loved you and someone you loved back, could never bring each other any pain because of how pure the emotion is.

When I think of love, all I can imagine is gentleness, softness, forgiveness, protection, sacrifice, presence, attention, care, safety, and all that is good in this world.

Yeah, well, like I said pretty delusional, right?

I guess that is why life decided to give me a much-needed reality check.

And boy was it one hell of a reality check.

Now, as I sit with the pain of love, I wonder if I missed something?

I wonder where did I go wrong?

I wonder was it my fault?

And I keep wondering, searching for something and anything that will make sense.

But nothing does.

Nothing makes sense when the pain of love has caused an upheaval in your calm seas.

When all that was settled and in its place has been moved, tossed, and thrown about, the scene looks like the aftermath of a tantrum by a toddler.

Nothing makes sense…

Until it all calms down.

Until all the dust settles, and you can finally see again.

When you can finally see that everything you thought was in the right place, wasn’t.

All that you thought was calm, wasn’t.

It only seemed so above while a whole war raged on under those calm seas.

What I forgot was, that everything that has a beautiful side has an ugly one too.

Not necessarily harmful or ugly, but ugly nonetheless.

For I forgot that with love also comes growth, resilience, the ability to forgive the greatest sins, patience, understanding, strength, and whatnot.

And when it comes to growth in love, it surely is one of the most painful things.

For in all the content that I have consumed, it really does get super bad before it all gets better again.

It gets really painful like someone has ripped a band-aid off a wound you thought had healed but was only getting worse inside, and when you see it you are shocked to the core because you thought it had healed and all was good in the world.

Then you start treating that wound all over again. You find newer and better ways of treatment.

You take professional help that you had not taken before, and you equip yourself with better resources and equipment to do so.

However, there is no guarantee that the said wound will heal properly and quickly, and it might even come back again after it healed, but one thing is for sure.

You will have taken a step ahead, you will be smarter and more vigilant than before, and you will not be delusional like me.

For now, I know that love is all that is beautiful in this world, but it is also one of the painful journeys to embark on, as it is like the vast sea that lures you in with its soft waves and glimmering waters, without telling you of all the horrors that lie deep.