The Art of Letting Go.

One thing I have recently realized about myself is the fact that I do not know the art of letting go.

I reached this realization when my therapist made me write a letter of my grievances, and then asked me to tear it up and let it all go away.

The realization then hit me like a truck that I could not do that. At least not immediately.

I tried bargaining with her to at least give me a week or till our next session to hold on to it for I cannot just part ways with it immediately, and guess what that’s what she wanted to see. She called me out on why I could not let it all go when everything in that letter was negative and caused a deep sense of resentment inside me.

So yeah, it has genuinely made me think for over two weeks now why could I not let go, why could I not tear that letter up, and throw it away?

Making me come to the conclusion that I do not know the art of letting go.

But then I also wonder about all the things I have let go and continue to do every day, but an inside voice slaps me in the head and reminds me that I truly do not let go.

It’s just that I forget, suppress, grow resentment towards it, or hold it inside me to be used later as a weapon or a defense mechanism.

Sounds crazy, right? Yeah well.

So coming back to it all.

Since I now know that I do not know the art of letting go, it tends to get pretty heavy nowadays. It’s like this extremely heavy weight that I carry on my chest and my shoulder every single day, some days consciously, and some days unconsciously.

I often end up struggling to stay afloat because of it all, making it so difficult to breath. It all starts acting like an anchor that is holding me down in the depths of the ocean where all is dark and eerie.

For now, I obviously do not know the reason behind my holding onto everything that I do, but what I do know is that it might now all be getting too much for me to carry.

I feel like it is high time for me to decide what I can carry forward in my life, and what needs to be taken out and thrown away. (And I mean it all very mentally because otherwise your girl goes through a physical deep clean-up every month and is a master in letting go of all that is physical trash.)

I really need to start learning to let go of the matters that are holding me down, and finally give myself a chance to be or at least set on the journey of searching for myself. Sounds scary right?

And maybe that is why I have not yet learned the art of letting go for it fears me down to my bones. For what if I get free of it, float away, and not find myself at all? Or get docked up to an island of greater mysteries? (sounds cool, but trust me I have no energy for that)

So yeah, basically, letting go is truly not as easy as some people make it out to be. It is an art and learning an art, and mastering it, definitely takes a lot of time.

And so I hope that someday, I and others like me are able to learn the art of letting go.

Ameen to that.