A Different Choice.

Sometimes you make a choice, a choice that is different from all the choices everyone else is making, a choice that some of your closest people oppose, but you make that choice anyway.

And it becomes so difficult.

It is so difficult to stand by the choice you have made because you often end up questioning the said choice. You get all these intrusive questions and overwhelming feelings that at times it gets unbearable to breath.

You are often abandoned by those around you all because they do not agree with the choices you have made. And that gets so lonely. You end up feeling isolated beyond words, having no one to talk to. You feel like you have no friends.

And then on some days, it gets more difficult.

With the isolation settling in, and all the doubts, you wonder if it’s all worth it. If the choice you have made is worth it.

You feel like an alien in your circle, like an outsider, someone who doesn’t fit in. And for someone who is an extreme people pleaser and needs to constantly fit in, it really messes you up.

You feel like you are in a game of tug of war, wanting to stand by the choice you have made, while also needing to give in to the people who oppose to it.

It becomes a battlefield inside your head and your body.

You pray and pray and pray some more for everything to make sense. To have some sort of validation, and approval from anyone in the universe.

You pray for all the puzzle pieces to finally fit in place, to eventually say ‘Oh so that’s why it all happened, the way it did’.

But God it hurts, it hurts so much for all the time the puzzle pieces are moving around. It feels like your bones are breaking and being set into places to accommodate the growth you are going through.

Every day you wake up and decide if your choice is the right one.

Every day you go through all the thoughts and questions and the reasons regarding the said choice, with the hope that you come to the same conclusion as yesterday. Because in case the conclusion changes, it’s breaking bones all over again just so that they fit right this time around.

So make a choice that you can stand by, even when the whole world is against it. The one that makes the most sense to you. That you feel is right for you. And the one you can defend even when there are no reasons to do so.

A choice that you feel is worth fighting for.